BE SUPPORTIVE OR LEAVE
It is beyond me why every single time I’m in a highly triggered situation or having an episode, I spend most of my time arguing, explaining and teaching the people that I allow to be there for me (after they said they would,) how to actually be there and be considerate of my mental health?
Why on earth am I attending to their inadequacies, ignorance, entitlement and needs–even in a dire situation–when I need my needs attended to?
Why do I always end up feeling more triggered when I allow people to be there for me, than if I didn’t?
Why am I even more overwhelmed, exhausted and depleted by my explanations?
Why do I want to die more by letting these people be there for me?
Why do I feel even more disconnected, hopeless and isolated by letting people be there?
I say this all the time, that a sick person suffering in a hospital bed, visibly in pain and dying, does not need to advocate for support and present petitions for understanding and the support of their loved ones through explanations.
I find myself constantly giving presentations and debating topics like:
“What not to say,”
“DO’s and DONT’s if I let you in,”
“I can’t handle this right now, and here’s why,”
“I need space and here’s why,”
“Constantly explaining myself is counterproductive to me feeling better and here’s why,”
“I can’t attend to your needs at the moment and here’s why,”
“Expecting me to attend to your needs right now is selfish and here’s why.”
Again, I’m trying to imagine someone in a hospital bed battling for their life from an illness simultaneously petitioning for support, especially emotionally.
I wonder if people really ever think about why, after someone has taken their own life, most times the reaction is “Omg I had no idea they were going through that?”
I wonder how many failed conversations must have been had before they decided it’s safer and better to just not speak and deal with this alone. I wonder how many failed conversations and attempts to gain support further exasperated feelings of hopelessness, isolation and pain. Many of mine have. Actually, most of mine have.
Is it unreasonable to expect that your loved ones should educate themselves on how to be supportive in dealing with your mental health?
I mean, don’t they do it for other illnesses?
Is ignorance still an okay response to being cared for in matters of mental health?
As far as I’m concerned, if there’s not an educated approach in attending to the needs of people who suffer from mental health problems, then these “support systems” are not supportive at all.
Of course, I don’t expect regular people to be medical professionals and have the medical expertise to heal me, but what I’m talking about is to care enough to educate themselves on being an informed support system.
We have to get to the place where we stop making mentally ill people feel as if it’s asking too much to be sensitive, considerate, and that ignorance to their illness is acceptable after gaining their trust in you for support.
It is not too much to ask that a verbal and practical approach be considered?
If I’m sick with the flu or a common cold, by the end of each conversation with the people around me, I have a barrage of suggestions, remedies and medications. I am checked on, nice things are said to me, and I’m catered to in every way physically and mentally until I’m nursed back to recovery.
The real truth here, I’ve discovered, is that despite what is being said, actions show that we still are not at the place yet where mental illnesses are seen as actual illnesses.
Until then, sadly there’ll be a lot more psychotic breaks, psychosis, episodes, broken relationships, over crowded mental hospitals, and… suicides.
A disregard for people’s boundaries and lack of understanding in matters of mental health may very well be your contribution, small or great, in deciding if that person’s condition worsens or if they’ll remain alive.
